Memories
by LE McMurray
Summary: After the Gamekeeper's trip down memory lane, Daniel remembers.


Author's Notes:- Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing..

I wrote this a long time ago and rediscovered it so I thought I'd post it.

Enjoy.

* * *

Daniel lay on his bed staring at the ceiling.

They had returned home a few hours before and after the debriefing, Janet's obligatory medical exam and of course the offer of therapy Daniel had escaped.

He was still angry with what the Gamekeeper had done to him. He had managed to not exactly forget, but to bury the pain and memory deep in his mind. With the exception of Sha're he had never ever talked to anyone, not even Jack, about the death of his parents. Her mother had died when she was young and she understood the pain. He had opened up about it to her and that was the last time he had really thought about it. But to see them die again not once but several times; to rehear their cries.

A small tear slid down his cheek before Daniel turned over and fell asleep.

* * *

Claire Jackson smiled as she walked into the museum. Her husband was already there, sorting out the pieces of the tomb they were going to erect today. Walking, well bouncing next to her was their little boy. Daniel's smile was wide and his eyes bright as he was looking forward to watching them working today.

"Dad," he cried happily seeing his father.

Daniel bounded over the remaining few steps and jumped into his father's arms. Melburn Jackson smiled as he hugged his exuberant son.

"Hey Danny," he smiled at him, "Did your Mom tell you what we're doing today?"

Daniel nodded vigorously; "Can I help?"

Melburn laughed, "Of course Danny," he grinned as he deposited his son on a chair next to a desk. He picked up a piece of paper, some pens then a rubbing from a tablet, "Do you think you could try and translate this?"

Daniel beamed proudly at his father, "I can."

"Well, we'll be just over there, okay?" he ruffled Daniel's hair affectionately.

Daniel nodded okay and started working on the translation his father wanted.

x

Claire looked over to see her little boy working furiously and couldn't stop her smile. She was so proud of him. He was only eight years old but such a smart little boy. Further ahead academically than any of the children his age.

Although she had wanted more children, problems when Daniel had been born made that impossible for them but watching him she couldn't have felt more content.

Every so often he would sneeze and have to hunt for his handkerchief while his glasses started sliding off his nose. Daniel looked up and saw his mother watching, he gave her a quick wave before pushing his glasses up his nose and returning to his work.

Claire tried very hard not to laugh. They had translated that themselves weeks before but it gave Daniel something to do while they were so busy.

"It's swinging," she called, worried.

"It'll be okay," Melburn said soothingly, as he co-ordinated the work again.

Suddenly she heard something snap and the wall headed for them, Claire screamed as she felt her husbands arms around her and heard Daniel call out to them. The last thing she felt was the weight of the wall, the last thing she thought was of her baby.

* * *

Evelyn Peterson stood at the door of the hospital room and looked in to see the little boy sitting on the bed.

"He hasn't said anything," Nurse Jones told her sadly, "He just sits and stares at the wall. Poor kid."

"Has he cried?" Evelyn asked seeing a lack of redness around the eyes.

"Not once," Jones shook her head, "One of the workers said that he called out to them and then just seemed to close down. Not one tear, nothing."

Evelyn shook her head sadly, poor child. He looked a lot younger than the eight years that his file told he was. Looking at him a little more she saw the small hands clasping something tightly.

"What's he holding?"

Jones looked over and shrugged, "I don't know but he hasn't let it go."

Taking a deep breath Evelyn walked in to the room.

"Hello Daniel," she said to him, "I'm Evelyn Peterson."

Two crystal blue eyes, completely devoid of anything resembling spirit, stared blankly at her. His blond hair fell into his eyes when he moved and he impatiently pushed it out of his face.

"I've come to take you to the Orphanage," she told him kindly.

"I have a grandfather," he said quietly, not looking at her.

"I know Daniel," Evelyn said gently, "But until we can find him you have to come and stay with us, okay?"

He didn't say anything but as she moved him he didn't resist her in any way.

x

Evelyn looked around the playroom and saw Daniel curled in a corner with a book. In the six weeks he had been here he hadn't interacted at all with the other children. He spent every spare second with his head buried in a book unless someone made him move. Every day he asked if they had found Nick, his grandfather and Evelyn had to tell him every day that they hadn't.

Until today.

It was breaking her heart that she had to give Daniel this letter.

They had finally located Nicholas Ballard and told him of the tragic death of his daughter and her husband and the situation with his grandson, but he had said he could not take responsibility for the child. Within the letter informing her that he could not take Daniel, Ballard had sent another letter for Daniel.

x

"Daniel, could you come here?" Evelyn called into the room.

His head shot up and looked at her with a bemused expression. With a sigh he closed his book and walked to the door.

"Yes ma'am," he said politely.

Evelyn almost smiled, he was always polite to her but other members of staff complained he was usually quite rude and defiant with them.

She gently led the boy to her office and sat him down.

"We finally managed to track down your Grandfather."

Daniel's eyes lit up slightly, "You found Nick?"

"Yes," she didn't want to make that light of hope in his eyes go out but she had no choice, "We told him what happened. He sent this for you."

Daniel frowned as he took the envelope offered to him. This couldn't be good news if Nick wasn't here.

He noticed Mrs Peterson leave the room giving him privacy to read his letter. Trembling he opened the envelope and pulled out the letter.

_Dear Daniel,_

_I am sorry about what has happened and although I wish I could be there for you I am currently in the middle of what could be an important find. I shall come to visit you when I return to America I promise but until then I know you shall make me proud by being the intelligent young man I know you are and listening to those who care for you._

_Nick._

Daniel read and reread the letter several times. He very carefully refolded it and placed it back in its envelope. Quietly, he slipped out of the chair and left the room. Mrs Peterson looked at him confused as he walked by her and until he made it to his room he didn't do anything. Making sure the room was empty Daniel sat down on his bed and hugged himself.

Nobody wanted him, nobody ever would.

* * *

Daniel sniffed before he sneezed violently. His allergies were playing up badly today and he was feeling absolutely miserable.

It had been over two years since his parents had died and Nick had abandoned him to the Orphanage. He had been placed twice with foster parents but they had absolutely no idea how to handle him. He was overly bright and had taken a bad attitude with anyone who even smiled at him. After getting Nick's letter Daniel decided the only way never to lose anyone was never to let anyone in again.

x

He was meeting a new set of foster parents today. He shrugged the heavy schoolbag on his shoulder to a more comfortable position as he walked in the door.

"Daniel," Mrs Peterson called to him, "Get cleaned up quickly. Mr and Mrs Adams will be here soon."

"Okay," he said quietly as he walked towards his room.

He dropped his bag on the bed before heading to get cleaned up. He didn't really want to meet anyone. They would take him for a few weeks before getting sick of him and his allergies and his inability to play sports and his more than average intelligence.

Quickly he splashed water onto his face and washed away the ink stains from his hands before pulling a comb through his shaggy blond hair. Mrs Peterson kept trying to get him to get it cut properly but he wouldn't. His parents let him keep his hair like this and he would only agree to get it trimmed slightly every few months.

x

Evelyn smiled warmly at the couple sitting in front of her.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Joe, Maria," she greeted them, "Now, I know you are both wonderful foster parents but I feel I should warn you."

"What about?" Maria Adams asked.

"Well Daniel. He is without a doubt a wonderful boy but he has had a hard few years," Evelyn explained, "Now, Daniel is very, very intelligent. He has skipped several grades in school and I'm sure he's about to skip several more. He has a passion for learning especially ancient cultures and languages but he is slightly accident prone."

Maria laughed slightly, "He sounds a sweet child."

"He is," Evelyn said with certainty, "But losing his parents the way he did, he has retreated into a shell and refuses to come out."

She smiled at them again as she saw Daniel come towards the office; she motioned him to come in.

"Daniel," she said, "I would like to introduce you to Maria and Joe Adams."

x

Daniel kept his face blank as he looked at the two people sitting with Mrs Peterson. They were middle aged and both looked very relaxed. She had dark brown hair that was pulled back from her face and dark brown eyes while he had black hair that was slightly grey at the edges and green eyes. Daniel nodded hello and sat down in his customary seat.

"Well," Mrs Peterson smiled at the others in the office, "Let's get started."

* * *

"Daniel," Maria called to him, "Dinner."

Daniel looked up from his studies and realised he was very hungry. He pulled himself away from his book and sat down across from Joe. He had been here six months and he was shocked to find that both Maria and Joe not only let him just read and didn't try to force him to be more athletic but they didn't take offence when he tried to push them away. Soon he discovered he liked them.

Joe was a lawyer and as far as Daniel could tell a very good one. Maria was a music teacher and gave lessons in the house every afternoon after school. This meant she was always in when he came back from school. When he had first come to stay she had tried to see if he wanted to learn to play an instrument but Daniel didn't want to in case he got too close to her.

"Okay, tuck in," Maria smiled as she sat down with them.

Joe suddenly turned and winked at Maria.

"Daniel," he said conversationally, "We were wondering, do you like staying here with us?"

Daniel looked up slightly shocked at the question; he swallowed what he had been eating. This gave him some time to try and phrase his answer.

"It's better than the orphanage," he answered truthfully.

"Well, I'm glad you think that," Joe said and the subject finished there.

x

After dinner Daniel went up to his room and pulled out a small box. In it was the rubbing he had been translating the day his parents had died as well as some pictures of them and of course Nick's letters, he had sent him one every so often.

He sat staring at the picture of his parents, "I don't know what to do," he whispered to it, "I'm not sure whether I'm being disloyal to you if I like Mr and Mrs Adams."

He stared at the letters; "Grandfather doesn't want me. So, why would someone who isn't related to me want me?"

He heard Maria calling his name again and pushed all his private things back into the box, before heading downstairs. As he ran down his foot caught on one of them. The last thing he remembered was his head hitting the floor before it all went black.

x

Daniel opened his eyes and winced as the bright light assaulted his eyes.

"Daniel," someone called to him.

"Mommy?" he whispered hopefully, as his eyes focussed on the figure leaning over him he saw who it was, "Maria."

"It's okay Daniel, you're okay," she said hugging him.

Daniel stiffened as she wrapped her arms around him, he couldn't let anyone leave him again but as she rocked him he slowly became less resistant to being held. He relaxed in her arms and started to cry, the first time he had cried since his parents had died. The more Maria comforted him the worse his crying became until a hiccup accompanied each sob.

"It's okay, Daniel," Maria whispered to him.

He calmed down after a few minutes and looked guiltily at her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "Please don't send me away."

Maria smiled down gently at him, "Oh, we're not going to send you away. Joe and I love having you stay with us."

"You do?" he sniffed slightly.

"Yes, we do."

"Why?"

Maria looked at him shocked, "Because we do," she told him, "We like having you around us a lot. Now get some sleep."

She gently kissed his forehead. Daniel relaxed back and soon fell fast asleep.

* * *

Daniel heard Maria call to him and he pulled himself up out of bed. It was his eleventh birthday but he didn't care. His birthdays just reminded him how alone he had been through the years at the Orphanage.

He carefully came downstairs ready for school and was surprised to see Joe still sitting in the living room.

"Aren't you going to work?" Daniel asked confused.

"I took the day off," Joe grinned at him.

Daniel frowned confused, "Why?"

Maria came to join them, "Well Daniel, we thought that we would spend the day together and celebrate your birthday."

"Why?"

They looked shocked at his question.

"Because, it's your birthday Daniel," Maria said, "Don't you want to celebrate turning eleven."

"It's…I…after," he stopped, "I haven't really had a birthday for a few years."

"Well, that's going to change," Maria hugged him tightly, "We are going to take you for a birthday day out then we'll go out for dinner tonight. How does that sound?"

Daniel couldn't stop the shy smile that spread over his face, "That sounds like fun."

x

They took him to the zoo then after dinner they went to the circus. Later that night after they came home Joe and Maria sat Daniel down.

"Daniel, we were wondering if you like staying with us?" Joe asked just like he had few months previously.

"I love it," he admitted shyly.

They beamed at him.

"That's good," Maria said, "So, I hope you like this," she handed him an envelope.

Daniel looked at it confused before he opened it and pulled out the piece of paper sitting in it. He gaped as he saw what it said.

"It's an application for us to adopt you," Maria said, "If you want us to."

Daniel stared at them in amazement; "You really want me?"

Joe nodded, "Yes, Daniel we do."

Daniel grinned as he threw his arms around them both and hugged them tightly; "I would be honoured."

That night they filled in the form and it was sent away instantly the next morning.

x

Daniel could smell smoke. He tried to ignore it as he curled deeper into the bed but soon it got stronger. As he tried to leave the room a wall of fire faced him. He cried out for help but no one was there. Crawling along his floor as the dark thick smoke filled it.

"Help," he called out choking on the smoke, "Please."

The door burst open again and a figure stalked in.

"I've found the kid," the voice called as Daniel felt arms pick him up. He could feel someone carry him before he passed out.

* * *

Evelyn watched as Daniel wandered towards his room. Her heart had been ripped in two when she found out what had happened.

Maria and Joe Adams had been good friends of hers and when they had said they wanted to adopt Daniel she knew he would be happy and loved by them. The fire was an accident and although they had all been brought out both Joe and Maria had sustained injuries that meant they died a few days later.

Daniel had once again been returned to her care.

x

It had been three months since he had come back to the Orphanage and he barely spoke to anyone. If he wasn't at school, he was reading in a corner away from everyone else. This time he wasn't letting anyone near him.

Daniel once again lost everything in an accident. He endured all the taunts from the kids in school and the others in the Orphanage. They all wanted to see him cry but Daniel didn't, he couldn't after what had happened and he would never give them the satisfaction.

He wandered into the room when he was grabbed by the arm.

"Damn, what's he doing here," Eric, a new boy snapped.

"It's only book boy," Steve muttered, "He won't tell anyone. Come on Eric."

Eric glared at Daniel but he slid something out from under his jacket.

"That's a gun," Daniel said shocked, before he realised what he had said.

"Aren't you smart," Eric moved in threateningly towards him.

Daniel stood his ground; he spent enough time being threatened.

Eric however was only more annoyed by Daniel's lack of reaction; he opened the chamber of the gun and showed them that there was one bullet in it. Snapping it shut he spun the chamber before pointing the gun at Daniel's head.

"I hear anyone you go near dies," Eric sneered at him, "Want to see if you can survive this."

"Eric, don't," Steve cried in horror.

"Leave him alone," another boy, Peter said, "He hasn't done anything to you."

Eric grinned, reminding Daniel of a wolf before he squeezed the trigger. Daniel kept himself rigid and managed not to jump as the gun clicked.

"Peterson's coming," another boy hissed, "Put it away."

Eric hid the gun and kept glaring at Daniel. Mrs Peterson walked in.

"Eric, I need to talk to you," she said, "Tidy up boys," she called as she walked out.

x

Daniel left the room quietly and quickly heading to the bathroom. Once there he collapsed to his knees and threw up. He sat trembling on the floor. The memory of the gun pointing at his head frightened him but what had hurt most was the comment how everyone that went near him died.

He knew Eric wasn't going to just drop what had happened; he knew that much about bullies. He was right.

On his way home from school two days later Eric appeared in front of him. He was about a year older than Daniel was but he was much bigger, taller and a lot stronger than Daniel.

After the first hit Daniel barely felt anything else. He curled into a ball on the ground as Eric pummelled into him.

"Hey," a man's voice yelled, "Leave the kid alone."

Eric ran away leaving Daniel on the ground.

Daniel looked up to see a man in a uniform looking at him.

"Are you okay?" he was asked.

Daniel retrieved his glasses and perched them on his nose before he nodded.

"Come on, I'll make sure you get home alright," he offered Daniel a hand up before walking with him.

x

Evelyn knew something was wrong if Daniel was late. She admitted that she was very fond of him and worried about him more than some of the other children. Daniel always called to say if he was staying late at the Library, he was conscientious that way.

The front door opened and Daniel came in.

She was about to scold him when she saw how badly beaten he was.

"What happened?" she cried kneeling down next to him.

"Some other kid gave him quite a beating," the man who had followed Daniel said.

"Daniel, go and see Miss Lindsey," Evelyn told him gently, "I'll see you in a couple of minutes."

Daniel nodded and disappeared.

She motioned the man into the office.

"Thank you," she said, "He is unfortunately an easy target for some of the other children. Mr…"

"O'Neill, Jack O'Neill," he introduced himself, "He didn't seem to be defending himself very well."

Evelyn sighed, "Daniel has had a hard life and I feel sometimes he doesn't care enough to live."

"I'm just glad I was passing," O'Neill told her.

"So am I."

x

"Daniel," Evelyn said gently, "Do you want to tell me who did this?"

"I don't know," he whispered as he pushed his slightly bent glasses up his nose where they sat crooked.

Evelyn sighed, she knew he wouldn't tell her but she had her suspicions. The way Eric kept grinning at him every time they passed one another meant she had her prime suspect but without Daniel saying something she couldn't do anything.

She shook her head, poor child.

x

Daniel knew Mrs Peterson knew it had been Eric who beat him up but he wasn't going to say a word. After that day Daniel always made sure he walked home with a group and stayed with other people. Even if he wasn't part of the group Eric wouldn't try and get to him if there were other people around.

Thankfully, Eric was fostered not long after. Daniel watched from the bedroom window and breathed a sigh of relief as the car drove away.

* * *

Daniel couldn't believe he was finally leaving. He was going to University barely old enough to be in High School.

He smiled at Mrs Peterson who had come to see him off.

"Thank you," he smiled at her.

"Now you have to promise to keep in touch and let me know how you're doing," she said as she gently hugged him.

She felt him stiffen slightly at the hug but it passed quickly and he hugged her back. As he stared out of the window on the bus she waved goodbye to him.

x

Several years later Evelyn was working when the phone rang.

"Hello," she answered it.

"Mrs Peterson," a very familiar voice said, "It's Daniel Jackson."

"Daniel," she greeted him enthusiastically, "How are you. You haven't been in touch for a while."

"I'm sorry I've been busy," he apologised, "But I was hoping you could do something for me."

"What is it?" she was intrigued.

"I'm graduating and I was hoping that maybe you would come and be my guest for it?"

Evelyn felt her grin broaden at his request, "I would be honoured to come to your Graduation Daniel."

"Thank you."

* * *

Jack got to Daniel's door and knocked quickly. Daniel hadn't appeared earlier for the briefing and Jack was worried.

He remembered the feeling of seeing his comrades and friends die over and over again but he was a soldier and that was a part of it especially in Black Ops. Sam had told them what she had seen when in Daniel's mind and it had not been pleasant.

Jack had read the file on Daniel and did know that his parents had died when he was very young but it didn't say what actually happened or the fact that Daniel had watched it. He noticed Daniel's mail hadn't been picked up so he decided to bring it up himself.

"Daniel," he called knocking again.

With an annoyed sigh he opened the door with the spare key he had and let himself in.

"Daniel," he called again looking around.

He headed into the room and saw Daniel lying fully clothed, fast asleep on the bed. He walked over and gave him a shake.

"Jack?" Daniel looked at him blearily, "What are you doing here?"

"Seeing if you were okay," Jack told him, "You missed the briefing."

"What time is it?" he mumbled checking his watch, "Whoops."

Daniel pulled himself up and headed towards the kitchen to make himself some coffee. Jack followed him trying to wonder how to broach the subject but he didn't have to.

"I take it Sam told you what I saw," Daniel said as he handed Jack a mug.

"Yep," Jack said as he sunk into the couch, "I never realised. From the file I knew your parents died when you were a kid but I had no idea..."

"That I saw them die," Daniel's voice was quiet but strong, "It's okay Jack."

"Daniel…"

"Jack you don't understand. It is okay," Daniel told him, "I mean seeing it again was hellish and being made to go through it so many times," he shuddered, "But, I know that there are many things in my life that probably would never have happened if that hadn't."

"Like?"

"Like I probably wouldn't have been recruited by Catherine and I wouldn't have gone through the Stargate. I would never have met Sha're and I wouldn't have met you, Sam and Teal'c."

"I'm glad you feel that way Daniel I truly am," Jack said to him, "Now, we better get to the base. There are a few things you're wanted for."

Daniel nodded before looking at himself in the mirror, "Give me time for a quick shower and I'll be there."

Jack watched his young friend go and not for the first time felt honoured to know this intelligent, unique gentle soul, and hoped that nothing ever changed him.


End file.
